It’s okay

Only few more hours left and it’s gonna be 2014. Thus, this will be the last post I make in 2013. At least I’m gonna end this not-so-good year for my blogging activity with a post.

I just realized something recently.

I used to be highly attached to things. It’s hard to let go of things that I possessed. The picture of losing what was mine was far from possible. I thought I was gonna have it like, forever. Toys I got, dresses I loved, crayons I used together with sisters, people I loved, even the time I had back than as a kid should’ve always stayed. I was so afraid to grow up back then. It’s like you know you’re going to be happy that way, so why let go?

The first realization stroke when my grandfather passed away, I was eight. So it’s possible to lose a person that ‘belongs’ to you. I didn’t fully understand so the feeling of sad is kind of the least compared to the surprised that I got.

I lost my school stationary quiet a lot when I was an elementary student. Being borrowed and didn’t comeback, forgot to place it somewhere and missing, dropped it or just mysteriously disappeared haha. At first it felt sad, but later I realized that it’s just things. Inanimate object. Unlike my grandpa, those weren’t gonna cried because they’re afraid. Not gonna starved or hydrated for being lost. It’s something that you can replace with just anything new. Guess that’s the first time that I learnt the art of letting go.

But it’s just a start. 

It’s harder than I thought to let go of something bigger than just a pencil. My happy childhood or should I call it past now. I kept finding myself trying so hard to get back, longing for the feeling when everything was just fine. Looking through the old photo albums, old toys, diaries, anything that enable me to remember again, and maybe happy, again.

Time passed, a lot of things happened. A lot of loss occurred. The contact to my friends, the moments, school things, money (haha), hope and dreams. Several times I faced the time when I got to learn to let go. To detach my arms out of those what was mine without feeling too much of sadness and lost. Nothing last forever, that’s true.

This time, I may gonna have to let go of another thing, something that I never thought I have to lose this fast. It’s unimaginable at first. I resisted hard. Like I’d probably enter the grief phase of Kubler-Ross.

But then the realization came. It’s only things. Yes it’s precious. Yes it holds a lot of memories. Yes it’s huge. Yes it’s hard. But, to my surprise, I can see myself doing that.

I know this year hasn’t been a great year for my blog (it’s so dry of inspiration I’m gonna die T_T) but I’ve got to let it pass again. Instead of cursing myself for not doing it best, I’m just gonna prepare for the next step so it can be better. As much as it sounds like an excuse wrapped up in good words, that’s all I can say for welcoming the new year. /sad/

Happy 2014 everyone!! I hope you made 2013 better than me! 😀

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